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22kommentarer

Hej på er!
 
Nu har det varit en stund sedan jag skrev och mycket har hänt. Jag har liksom inte känt behovet av att skriva av mig men nu känner jag att det skulle vara skönt igen.
I våras mådde jag verkligen som värst. Jag försökte hänga med så gott det gick men det gick till en punkt där jag inte orkade kämpa mer, så jag sjukskrev mig och flyttade hem till Sundsvall och mina föräldrar.
 
Eller innan jag flyttade hem spenderade jag några veckor i Norge. Där var jag helt slutkörd. Allt bara släppte och jag bodde i princip i min säng med serier som sällskap. Jag orkade inte ta mig ur sängen. Orkade knappt umgås med familj eller vänner. Jag var bara helt och totalt slutkörd. Det är så himla viktigt att lyssna på kroppen när den börjar säga ifrån annars slutar det med att man smäller in i den där förbannade väggen. Inte ens i musiken kunde jag hitta någon glädje.
 
i höstas flyttade jag som sagt tillbaka till Sundsvall. Väldigt skönt att komma hem till en trygg plats med världens mest förstående föräldrar. Dock kände jag nästan hela tiden att jag hade misslyckats och inte klarade det jag så länge hade velat göra. Men det blev ju till det bästa. 
Jag började jobba som musiklärare på en skola. Jag hade 9 klasser inklusive några elever vid sidan av. Det var två dagar i veckan, så jag hade tid att jobba samtidigt som jag fick 5 dagar i veckan att vila upp mig på vilket jag tror att jag behövde. Dagarna jag jobbade blev ett helvete för kroppen sedan och det var verkligen skönt med dom där  vilodagarna. I Sundsvall lärde jag även känna Ewelina, och hennes mamma som båda två har samma sjukdom som jag har. Otroligt skönt att ha någon som förstår exakt vad man går igenom. Man kunde skicka iväg ett sms som "god morgon. Vaknade av att käken glidit ur led...har du alla leder på plats?" Och så fick man ett gott skratt. Eller man kunde utan problem säga när man är på stan "du, nu måste vi sätta oss ner innan höften glider snett" och på en gång förstår hon allvaret i det( när man väl säger till att man har ont brukar man ha kämpat en halvtimme), så istället för att säga " men du, bara en affär till" så blir svaret alltid" klart vi gör" .  Så tack Ewwe för det <3 
 
I slutet av oktober hände en fantastisk sak. Jag blev kär i en av mina finaste vänner som jag känt i många år. Pang bom sa det och jag visste på en gång att det var rätt.  Han har, genom att bara finnas till, lyssna på mig när jag varit nere eller kramat mig när jag haft ont, tagit bort min panikångest med kanske 70% och smärtan med 50%. Vilket har hjälpt mig fått energi och kraft att ta tag i skolan och orka med allt igen. Tack för det älskling. 
 
Nu är jag alltså tillbaka i värmland för att ta vid där jag slutade. Tillbaka till bandet och vännerna. Men det är så otroligt mycket att göra och jag började såklart hela terminen med att bli dunderförkyld. Fredrik också. Och när jag blir förkyld stängs liksom resten av kroppen av. Alla muskler strätar emot och just nu känns allt supertungt igen. Det är väl därför jag vill skriva av mig i ett dunderlångt inlägg. Kylan gör saken värre också. Mina fingrar gör svin-ont och knät strular fortfarande sen skadan i mars. Men imorgon har jag tid hos läkaren så då blir det att göra en riktig undersökning. 
 
 
Men trots allt skit, så tycker jag ändå att jag är en tuffing och en kämpe. Jag klarade av 1000000 trappor när jag skulle på musikal i helgen, och jag klarade delvis av att stå på en 3 h lång konsert. Sånna små saker påminner mig om att jag fixar allt, bara jag vill. Men ibland behöver jag bara lite påminnelse. 
 
 
Så, det var ett långt inlägg och grattis till dig som orkat läsa allt. Applåder!! Jag kommer skriva lite sporadiskt då och då när humöret kanske inte är på topp och hormonerna ur balans( som nu). 
 
 
Kram på er sötnosar! / Livan, over and out
 
 
 
 
 

22 kommentarer

ewe

25 Feb 2014 17:53

Pöss och kram. <3saknar dig!!!!!

bestemor

25 Feb 2014 18:15

ja ja hjerte beklager at du arva dene driten ,men ikke noe annet enn og stå på ellers går jo livet i stå og det går ikke .

Pappa

08 Mar 2014 16:45

Du är tuff o stark Millan o när det gäller dig så kan du säkert vända det negativa till något possitivt!!

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